6 things I wish i could say

1.You've remained a friend to me but i think thats only because you dont know how to be by yourself. I appreciate you and all, but it is imperative you learn to stand up for yourself, sir.

2. Im hardly attracted to anyone physically, but cotdamn do you make my mind turn into a private screening of custom-made xxx's. Is it gettin' hot in here?

3.YOU are a great friend. And you are loyal. These things are important to me and you are important to me. We've had hilarious not-sober times but also fun staying clean(8 and you never judge. ever.

4.You've always been my best friend. Since I was eight years old. I know this, and you know this. There are only so many ways I can say it lol. I love you.

5. You're a phony and you're a coward. I cant believe I used to look up to you. And I guess you could try and say the same about me, but the only difference is I would actually say this to your face.

6. Thank God for your impeccable timing. At times I sit back and just think like "How the fuck did i get blessed with a guy like this?" because honestly, I havent done anything in my life to deserve someone like you.

!!

Cinnamon Chasers - Luv Deluxe from Maurice Paradox on Vimeo.

Pretty Eyes & Laughter

Sometimes i miss the fuck out of everyone and it kills me. Really. I feel like i'm all alone and the only people whom i gave the stories of my past, ran with it. I just dont want to miss anyone else. I'm starting to feel like i'll never have another bestfriend. I know i will be settling if anyone else called me their best friend. Kayla is NOT Meg, Chris is NOT Mia, and Jazmin damn sure is NOT Danielle. And while i have other people that i consider my best friends, i dont have enough makeshift bfflz to compare them to. *Sigh*

But what's so wrong with being alone? Alone's the only way i've ever known.

"I am just so completely overwhelmed by this utterly beautiful man. Every word that leaves his mouth and enters my ears is pure bliss. May God allow him to create more music, so I can stay on the brink of sanity."

"It's amazing how my life has been changed by this one man, who will never know I even exist. I've never found music that has been able to communicate inner emotions that we all experience in life better than his; whether it be through his lyrics, the sound of his music, or the fluctuations of his voice.. I'm not religious, but I'm convinced that God, a higher power or something put this beautiful son of a bitch on earth to make my life better. Damn it."

I am alot more jealous than i allow myself to admit to. The jealousy itself doesnt kill me, it's the impeccable impression of apathy that carves away at my insides.

Tino

I can hate you from a distance. I can virtually get over you when you're not around. But when you're here, it's like every part of me needs you.

My Life is Duller Than a Pencil With Erasers on Both Ends.

I've got soap in my eye and i'm thinking about just leaving it there. Maybe i'll go blind and everyday stumbling around, running into shit, never knowing what to expect. Yeah, then i'll be living 'on-the-edge'.



I dont have soap in my eye.
I probably havent washed my face in about 3 days.
It's not even worth the waste of my $2 dollar Cetaphil soap.
To be clean and go no where and do, litertally, not a thing all day.
Shit.

It Does Have a Point

im just scared to say it.

Le Gasp!

I've been trying to fix my blog and make it somewhat appealing but obviously, thats still a work in progress. In the midst of all that commotion, I nearly forgot to tell you about the new heart-related intrests in my life. Now, i've never really posted anything about my personal views on love or anything because i keep a hand-written journal for things like this. So here is a little something you can work with:



I've been in love once in my life and it was fucking great. There are no flaws in love, only people. That being said, when time came to let things go, neither my partner or I would do so. We just kept stringing along back and forth trying to salvage what was left of our teenage romance when, in turn, we destroying everything we had been given. Couples fall out of love all the time, however, this realization is rare.

This is a recent revelation but, yes, I DO believe in love at first sight. I personally believe anyone can fall in love with anyone given enough time. My ex and I would have never in a million years been together if we had the choice. Not that we were forced on each other, but we were around each othher ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Rode the same bus, same school, same neighborhood, same friends, same no car lol. Just learned to tolerate and see the good in each other.

With that, I loved him so purely and so hard. But I still doubt to this day he could ever loved me like that.

See, thats the tricky thing about love. You have to love someone, but they have to love you too. It's different type of love though; soulmates. This type of love is so much greater and lasts well not forever because surely, nothing can last forever, but in perspective, you know what i mean.

Im rambling now and this shit doesnt even have a point. Fuck this.

What's Not to Love About Him

Pretty awesome love

I feel like I bother everyone.
I should just stop making the effort to communicate with “friends”.

Fuck friends.

Im Embarrassed as Fuck

Funny shit though.
Still sad.

And I swore I'd do this

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Ive had about all i can take

Of this stay at home shit. I cant work, i cant go to school, but i can clearly go mad trapped in this house forfuckcingever. To bring you all up to speed, my parents have decided that the only way to get me into college is to back me into a corner and tell me i can not work until i apply and get accepted into a school as well as apply for any gotdamn grant/scholorship ever made. Now, dont get me wrong, i see what they're trying to do and it's definitely not all bad. I'm just the type of person who moves oppositely to the direction i'm being pushed. Could be because i'm immature, could be because i'm a Taurus. It's no secret which possible answer i'm gunning for.


Job apps, here i come.

We're Running Out of Film Here.

I've been second guessing myself alot. Could be because i'm in a current mid-life transition. Could be because i'm dangerously lonely. Could be my period, emotions and things of that sort. Ya know, girl problems. Either way, CUT THE SHIT JESSICA-LYNNE.

Take two.

Fight Club

I feel like destroying something. Doesn't even have to be beautiful. Just anything at all. I wanna wrap my hands around it, crush any form of life out of it, then dip off into my own universe.





That is all.

All I Can Ever Be to Me

I'd rather be happy with my life than make my life look happy. These two do not coincide, regardless of how you may feel. That is why I do things for self. I am the one who has to come home with me at night, sleep in my bed, and rise the next day. The least i can do for this flourishing young woman is cater to her mentally and maintain her happiness. The rest will come with time. And i'm alright with that. Actually, I'm pretty damn happy with that. Insert smiley face.

Deep Space riddled with stars

An articulate man with impeccable grammatical skills puts a fire to my bones.

ROFL

What the fuck is wrong with Me.

This Girl DEFFFFF Has my ass.

Lookin for a nigga that's a sucka for a flat ass. If he exists lol.

"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."

At Times

i feel like i should die.
That I still want to.
That I never stopped wanting to.
That'd i'd rather destroy everything here than watch it leave me.

"I've got a sunset in my veins.
And i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay."

AHHH I NEED A TUMBLR

but im SUCH a bad blogger! It would make no sense to try to upgrade to a tumblr if i still have a shitty blog. School starts soon..(for most), but still. I will start working and i am not sure i can make such commitment with my (soon to be) busy sheddddd-yule.) Believe in me!

Goin for it!

I love when people wear stuff that match their eyes

How very pleasant looking.

Wishlist

Key word: WISH



A stunning $33 Ticket to see Dance Gavin Dance




The coveted iPhone G4 a whopping $400 buck



But this cutie, Pricele$$

I wanna drop jaws like...

That.

Body&Soul Modifications i am considering:

One because i am bored, two because i am somewhat uncomfortable. I was going to say unhappy, but thats not true. I am happy for a change. Now that im a highschool graduate, im not stressed about school bullshit but instead, worried about my real-life coming ahead, starting to think just a little more. Like damn, pretty soon this will be foreal and i'll be on my own. Just me, enjoying my own company.

I'm trying not to think.



This is literally the exact tattoo, minus some shading, that i want. All of my sisters and my mother alike, are going to have a rose tattoo. My eldest sister Brenda always addressed us as "roses", I believe because they are the classic beauties of nature. each one blooming dfferently and at their own pace, but still beautiful, in the end. She has small roses on each wrist but i want my rose to be bigger to show the large signifigance such a simple pet name has had in my life.

Pj Ladd ain't playin' Witchall boys

Step your life up.

Medicated vs Intoxicated

I want a hamster or a fish or some small, defenseless creature as a pet so that I can feel like something actually needs me.

just plain fun/insane/blatant/full of sex drugs and nudity

Its sort of coincidental

how someone somehwere in the world could be going through the same thing as you. Feeling nearly identical to your emotions. Crying when you find yourself crying. Both of you just about to give up on everything at the exact same time.



I feel a lot less alone.

Shoulders&Arms

now listening- Tokyo Police Club



Im starting to dig up some old skeltons. My anger is seriously on the cusp of ruining my life. As a result of this, I've decided that post-high school life, i wanna go to therapy or something. COunseling. Hopefully something insurance will pay for lol.



No, seriously.

10 Things I love Today

1.V8 Tropical Blend


2.Funky shoulder bags. Preferably with a zipper.


3.Florence + The Machine


4.My iTunes


5.Those silly animal-shaped bracelets


6.Tie Dye ANYTHING


7.Old Faux Hawk Ryan Ross


8.Super awesome British bands like The Takeover UK


9.Septum Piercings. I like that hers is tad bit crooked. Just like mine(:


10.Pheonix. Giving hope that maybe not all french people are smelly.

And I'll Be Anything You Ask And More..

This Is Twice Now

So i pierced my septum yesterday. A gift to myself i guess since you couldnt rememeber.

Ouch

I think, as i woman, we all can relate to one another to an extent. When another woman is scorned in the same type of emotional situation as you once were, you feel for them. It hurts me to see you hurt..Basically. I dont know what it is. Maybe it's just me... She and i have alot more in common than i once thought.

I Cant Wait Another Fucking Second

Following a roughly three-year hiatus, the popular animated series The Boondocks will be returning to TV in the New Year, says creator Aaron McGruder.

The third season should air in early 2010, according to this message posted to the writer’s Twitter account (@aaronmcgruder) early Christmas Day: “Finally got an airdate for Season 3. Not sure if I’m allowed to put it out yet, so I’ll just say you got about three months! Merry Xmas!!”

The popular yet controversial comic strip-turned-cartoon premiered in 2005 on Cartoon Network and centers on the antics of brothers Huey and Riley (both voiced by actress Regina King). The second season aired in 2007.

My Brain Is Freaking Out

"DOWNLOAD!DOWNLOAD!DOWNLOAD! DO IT RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP YOU, I WILL SHUT THEFUCK OFF! I'LL DO IT TOO!"

-Sayith my brain. Gone to get my music fix onnnn.
Also, Travie has a new single up for grabs featuring that guy Bruno Mars. The fella who's also on B.o.B. 's latest radio banger "Nothing For You".

Billionaire Ft. Bruno Mars: xoxo-Travie

Me and You.

"GibsonShred |
The rest of the album is whatever.
But this song is GREAT, and I don't just mean great as in I really like it. I mean the lyrics themselves are just so creative and catchy. Meaningful and all other sorts of things. my guitarist says he hates fall out boy. then i sang this song and he was like man i really like that! Lets put music to it!
then i played him the track...and he was pissed..one...because now he has to actually give em a chance. and we didnt have a new badass song hahaha"

Clever little devil. But i digress. The actual point of that was to tell you, vous form, why fall out boy is my absolute favorite band.


Im not sure if it's because i really love their music, or if it's because they've been in my life for so long. Through everything i've been though. Depression, disease, disorders, anger, hate -everything. Im actually having a difficult time explaining this because im just being whirlwinned into my past. It's scary to know how people you've never even really known, had so much to do with your life and who you are now. Who i am now. When the band announced their official breakup, i was BEYOND crushed.

*dinner's here. to be continued....*

I do this everytime!

Everytime a Ke$ha song comes on, i sit stiffly and silently complain about how much she sucks and how much i will NOT enjoy her latest craptastic single.
(And for some reason, i get too distracted doing something else to actually change the song.) Then by the end of it, i catch myself full out dancing and singing the lyrics!
WHAT IS IN THIS MUSIC?!????

Take Shits & Smoke Weed

Sounds like a more than satisfying life.

I know they dont look alike, but Scott kind offf reminds me of my friend Jordan. Only, i'd give the bunz to Scott.

This Just In

I nearly cry everytime upon viewing.
You know that you feel it too.

'Cause Tommorrow's So Here I can Taste it

All i need now is the courage to face it.

Eventually

I will make up my mind. I want to maintain this blog and all, i just cant seem tro spare a shred of my time and when i finally have free time, i dont have ambition. I will do better though, Or quit. Either way, it's a promise.




lol.